I read a lot of smut.
That being said, I also read a great deal of important and moving literature. But let's not jerk each other off here... I greatly prefer the smut.
I'm not even remotely ashamed of my passion for passion, I don't think there's anything embarassing about reading a dirty, sexy book, even for those (my humble self included) who consider themselves to be well-read consumers of language. And I think it's a pretty fair exchange when you accept the concept as a whole... I simply prefer to read my porn.
This is not a showstopper, but I'm getting somewhere, so follow me. Here's the basis of this not-too-shocking admission: I, as a woman, am often offended by way vaginas are referred to in what I like to call "girl porn."
There is simply no cool way to say vagina when one is detailing sexual exploits. It never sounds good. Sure, there are very descriptive and poignant ways (hot, slick folds, anyone?) but they're all euphemistic and suggestive. Noone ever comes right out and says something like "he poised the blunt, aching head of his arousal at her twat."
Why? Because "twat" is none the sexy. DON'T get me wrong, I LOVE twat. It might be one of my top 10 all time favorite words. I like the way it sounds coming out of my mouth, I like the shock value it has when you say it to other people, and I like what it stands for! But nobody else is riding the twat train, and it's getting pretty lonely over here. Personally, I think twat has the potential to make it as a sexytime word for girl porn, but I can't make it happen alone. I'm working on it though.
But I just get so mad at the repeated use of vaginal euphemisms, like it's something to be ashamed of. I get it, "vagina" is clinical and not even a little bit horny sounding... but I don't think it's any worse than "heat," "center," "core," "sex," "entrance," and etc. Entrance kills me. Like there's a troll or Gandolf or something patrolling my labia with a walking stick determining whether or not someone shall pass.
I understand that cunt probably won't work either. It has hard consonant sounds and a horrifying (albeit, underserved) connotation. I'm so into cunt, I think it's a great word for all the aforementioned twat reasons and more. I think that as women, it's important that we take it back. When you let someone offend you with a word, you're giving them power, and giving the word power, and you shouldn't let yourself get hurt by that. I feel that by reducing cunt sensitivity we could really make some changes in the world!
Seriously, it's sort of reminiscent of black people and the word "nigger." I'm not entirely clear on the details of when they call each other "nigger" or "nigga" or any of that, but from my limited understanding, it is ok for one black person to say it to another, by completely unacceptable for someone of a different race to invoke either "er" or "a" formats of nigg. But here's the difference with me: I don't think it should matter who it's coming from. I understand that "cunt" was engineered by a man to degrade a woman, and that when I say "taking it back," it denotes that women can say it to each other if they want but still be offended if a man says it, but I think that's pretty fucked up. I don't get offended when anyone says it. It's a slang term for vagina, I have a vagina, erego I'm most certainly a cunt. I feel like people are just way too sensitive about the stupidest shit. Like, don't they have something else to worry about?
So here's my next option: pussy. I don't like pussy. I think we've safely established that it isn't because I'm uncomfortable with vag or talking about it. I'm pretty sure my distaste stems from the fact that "pussy" is so like "pus," and come on, that's just nasty. So for me, pussy is one of the words I just stay away from, but not because of what it means. Sort of like how my cousin Rachel can't stand the word "ointment." It just rubs her the wrong way, the way pussy rubs me.
Occassionally, you will come across a clit in girl porn. I happen to be a fan of clit (shocker). I'm not so big on clitoris, although I don't detest it. I just like the smutty sound of clit and I like when characters are thumbing each others' and what have you. But I digress.
The thing that makes me angriest about all this, I think, is the double standard involved. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good double standard as much as the next guy, and is well aware of my misogynistic tendancies and outright hatred of feminism, but I think sex is different. To me, sex should be a level playing field, even when the kitchen (or garage, or other gender-role associative room) is not... unless the sex is in the kitchen of course in which case... well good for you. But in girl porn, a penis is talked about straightforward, in slang and medical terminology, and it's considered sexy no matter what, and that's not ok. What makes it cool to say dick but not twat? And personally, I don't think there's anything hot about calling a boner an "erection." To me, an erection is scaffolding on a building, not a throbbing cock.
Not to say that there isn't penis talk laced with euphemism as well. I won't detail them here but I think we've all seen a rigid member quite a bit more than we might have wanted, but it's not nearly as prevalent as the veiled terms we use to discuss the good ol' birth canal.
So the double standard bothers me. To me, it infers somehow that having a Y chromosome and being naked is more acceptable than being a nude lady. As I said, I'm a consumer of language and I chose my words and their connotations carefully, so I read into things like that. I know that sounds sort of contradictory to what I was saying earlier about people getting mad for no reason about being niggers and cunts, but that's because I don't think INSULTS should have the power that they do. There is absolutely no denying the power of WORDS in general. I know how dynamic they are, and I think it's much more impressive to be able to cut someone down with an intellectual arrangement of adjectives than to just call them a cunt.
Anyway, I started musing about all this because I'm a writer. I hope you could have guessed that by my astounding wit and affable style throughout this "blog" (I use quotes around it like it's not a real word because I feel like less of a geek that way) which is my very first. I'm working on my first novel which is exhilarating and frightening beyond measure and I'm pretty sure my characters are going to get down to the dirty business of fucking soon, and being the loyal, filth monger, gutter whore that I am, they are going to have some unreasonably graphic sex, and I've been thinking about the way I'm gonna talk up the twat. I haven't made any concrete decisions yet, but I feel like talking it out on here was a step in the right direction.
So how about a deal, yes? I promise to throw off the shackles of societal (and I use that term loosely to describe people who engage in the smut-reading) propriety and talk about vag like it ain't no thang. I will write the vaggiest sex scenes that have ever blitzed through Microsoft Word. In return, I simply ask that you buy my book and indulge.
