I'm finding that this does not happen to other girls. None of my friends get random pictures of cock for no good reason... but again and again I find myself engaged in a horrific staredown with someone's one-eyed monster. It happens so often, in fact, that I have a gallery of peepee on my Blackberry that I've dubbed "The Unsolicited Dick Pic Hall of Fame." For seer, I have so much meat on my media card I could open a butcher shop. And the best part is, NEVER ever in my life have I requested such a picture. They just send away! Not even boyfriends or guys I'm dating or hooking up with, just arbitrary boys who I maintain casual conversation with via text, and all of a sudden BAM! Weinerville.
That's how it happens every time! I feel like I'm getting punked. Like somehow, everyone I know with a schlong got together and was like "you know what would be hilarious? A visual assault of dick on BK's phone, at varying and incidental times, even though she never asks for it." I think I handle it rather gracefully. Usually I just stop talking them, which I think is really nice and tactful of me considering the verbal beating I'm capable of, especially via text when I have a minute to think it over and select only the most prime cuts for my meatheads.
And they're almost always like "you're welcome ;)" or "what do you think" or "are you horny now?" no, No, NO! Like I should thank them for eye-raping me with a dick I never asked for. And listen up so I can fuck you up with some truth, penises are ugly and balls are horrifying. Men look terrible naked. I'd rather see a nude lady any day of the week, where all the gross shit is tucked up inside where it belongs, not dangling all willy-nilly like a pendulum of disaster. I'm hard pressed to think of a time in my life where I saw a disembodied penis and was like "well shit, now I'm raring to go, I gotta get that in me!" If I saw it, say, attached to Brad Pitt, that's a different tale entirely, but I don't get turned on by a screen shot of some useless 20-something loser's boner.
So let me bottom line you, boys especially: don't send pictures of your naughty bits to people. They don't want them! And haven't you learned anything from naked photos and sex tape scandals of celebrities?! That shit doesn't just disappear! It could haunt you forever, and even if you don't ever get famous, chew on this... I've sent SO many of these to my girlfriends and had a hearty chuckle over it. People you may not even know have seen your junk, and even worse, people you do know saw it too! And find no solace in the fact that they could easily be deleted, I keep them logged in my cell phone memory for prosperty... if not for flicking my bean.
UPDATE: I just found this posting on textsfromlastnight.com - (865): Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am not alone.
UPDATE PART DEUX: My friend/future husband Dave saw this post and thought it would be prudent for me to enjoy the following photo. As a side note, I'm curious as to what size that shoe is in the interest of establishing scale. Disclaimer: allegedly, this is not Dave's penis.
